Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
