I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I party with great urgency now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
