This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
