Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
