You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
