i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
