Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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