you guys were way drunker than both of me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize