so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We talked him into tasing himself.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
