i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
