How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
