theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize