Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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