i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
