I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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