I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
