He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
