I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
