i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
