I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im holly from the hills drunk
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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