i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
