The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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