Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize