cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
