My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
