After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
