what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
