I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
