Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your cock deserves a montage
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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