Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
