I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
