i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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