Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
