I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
