Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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