Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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