seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
