so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
