Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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