How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
