god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
