When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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