remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
