i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
