I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
