I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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