"it" just moved
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
