Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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