If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
