Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
