I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
