What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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