the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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