Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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