he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
