I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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