Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
