i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
