We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
