My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
