I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
don't judge my taste in strippers
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
