i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
