i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize