Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
