nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
