eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
