Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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