My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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