it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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