my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
