Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize