Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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