recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
