Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
