Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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