worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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