so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Someone shattered a urinal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize