Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
