I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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