i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
