YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
