your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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