The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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