he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
