did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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