Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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