i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
