I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
