Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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