I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
