I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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