woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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