So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just pee around me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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