hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
