i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
