Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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