Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
