Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
