best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize