I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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