whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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