YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
