we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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