I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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