im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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