I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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